What the Undead are wearing this season!

[NOTE: For Halloween, midnight to midnight, the Kindle edition of A DRY PATCH of SKIN will be Free! So get yours while you can and grab some lotion, too.]

The Free Promotion period has ended.

'Tis the end of October and the spooks are about, so it seems the thing to do is wax poetic on Halloween and Samhain themes.

For the quick studies among us, I offer these "cheat sheets": 
Some Halloween history   and  Some Samhain history

On the personal side, I haven't cared much for the day. Love the season, but not the rituals. I've never been a ritual kind of guy. But I have history on my side...my backside, thankfully.

First Halloween I remember was in a distant realm where costumes were crafted by hand. 

I perfected the robot by combining several boxes, a larger one for the body, a smaller one for the head, still others for feet. Arms and legs remained sheathed in cloth. In the second grade I won a prize for having the best costume. What was special about the robot costume was that the non-steam-powered device was also an early form of the personal computer. If someone were to write out a question and introduce the slip of paper through the designated slot in the body of the robot, the robot would [eventually] produce a verbal answer to the question. The robot proved to be 90% accurate, which pre-Windows, was a remarkable feat.

Then came other costumes full of commercial interests: characters from TV shows, classical monsters, space aliens (the fierce and loathsome kind, not ET), and finally the minimalist kind of costume. Minimalist? You know the type: you put on a clean shirt and glasses and say you are dressed as a "nerd". Later, as an adult, I graced one-maybe-two adult Halloween parties where others went full out as sexy witches and vampire studs. I was still dressed as a nerd--still long before nerds were cool.

I often went trick or treating with my cousin, but our chief goal was less about collecting candy than harassing his sisters. Gradually, we forgot the costumes and ran wild through the night, sending rolls of toilet paper up into the trees of houses where girls who did not like him lived. We could, by then, buy our own candy--and we did. Then the reverse happened.  We became candy givers! Definitely less fun. Ah, I have not given out candy for many years now. You see, congruent with my emerging adulthood came the cultural shift away from children ringing doorbells and begging for treats. Too dangerous now--pins in candy, creepy pedophiles, whatever.

Well, it was never really about the candy or the costumes, anyway, I soon learned while hanging out with people who called themselves witches.  Real witches. Though they dressed like "ordinary" people, they had many of the same beliefs I held at that time. None of us threatened people nor begged for snacks. A few preferred to dress in black year-round, and all wore the pentacle around their necks or emblazoned on their black t-shirts. All in all a friendly, charming bunch of social rebels whose chief activity was "raising awareness" of their existence, then complaining that everyone disrespected them.

Other cultures celebrate death and welcome back the dead at this time of the year. That's fine with me. I've had it both ways--err, well, perhaps not both ways in the way you might be thinking. Someday I will, of course. 

No, what I meant was the fun side and the serious side of the day. Now, however, it seems like just another commercial venture: Halloween "memorabilia" is presented in stores hours after Labor Day has ended. I can deal with fake cobwebs and spiders and bats, even a few talking skulls or laughing zombie heads, but let's be real.

Death ain't so great. That's what I was told by a rather decayed ancestor of mine who happened to pop up in the middle of the night beside my bed--a day early, no less--just to warn me that one of these Halloween nights I might not be around to celebrate much of anything. I said, in my sleepy voice, "Fair enough."

The laughter that followed my ancestor out through the cracks in the walls was unnerving enough to get me up out of bed. I had to splash cold water on my face and awaken fully, just to be sure I was still alive. Shaking my head in front of the mirror with all the lights on, I knew it had not been a dream.

So, carefully, I made my way back to bed yet lay awake for hours, unable to close my eyes, afraid of the next snap, crack, squeak, creak, breath, or sigh--most of them, thankfully, coming from my neighbors arriving home late when the bars finally closed.

And the dawn sprite told me to go to sleep; my time has not come.

But wait! There's more! 

I have now become consumed by thoughts of life as an Undead... and it has taken root in my fingertips! 

Dry, flaky skin covers my body and I feel the need for blood! Let me find a good, plump vein for my supper! 

And you, too, may tarry within the pages of this new novel and fight off the desperate urge to scratch!

Read a review in The Oklahoman newspaper here! 

(The only vampire romance story to be set in Oklahoma City... among other places.)

Turn, Mr. Stoker! Turn quick in thy grave!

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(C) Copyright 2010-2014 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.

Dracula Untold - Explained

In keeping with the autumnal spirit and delving into the legend of vampirism this month, I finally took the afternoon to go see Dracula Untold, purportedly the story of what really happened to Mr. Vlad Tepes, a.k.a. Dracula (more info here and film info here). 

Having done a bit of historical research myself in years past and again more recently in writing my vampire novel A DRY PATCH OF SKIN, I could compare the film with a checklist of facts and suppositions from scholarly sources. As I watched the film, I was mentally checking off things that fit and those that did not.

For the most part, I found the film engaging on a visual level: the CGIs were breathtaking (I had brought a respirator, just in case) and the acting generally good. The occasional slip of modern language ("Are you okay?" to a fallen comrade) reminded me it was Hollywood fiction. The costumes were, to my eyes, authentic enough; to a historian of armor, perhaps not. Overall I was satisfied with the film, but there were anomalies that made me turn in my grave (metaphorically).

The general storyline is that Prince Vlad of Transylvania* refuses to give up his young son as a hostage to the Turkish Sultan, thus initiating an invasion by the Sultan's army. Vlad seeks supernatural power from a hideous hermit hiding in a cave at the top of a mountain. Great, I thought. This ugly vampire fits what we know of the medical/biological attributes of vampirism. And yet, the offering of blood by this cave dweller to our prince is his ticket out of the Turkish problem. (I did not care for this explanation; it leaves out answers to the inevitable question of who the first vampire was, the one who first began spreading this affliction.)

There is a twist which I suspect is not actually part of the presumed "untold" story but does make for convenient conflict complications: Vlad gets a three day trial using his new-found powers. Then he will revert back to his human self, no questions asked--or, if he gives in and drinks human blood within the three days, he will become a vampire forever, which is kind of a long time.

One of the superpowers he has is the ability to transform instantly into a swarm of bats. He is also able to control a separate flock of flying bloodsuckers and manipulate them into a giant fist that strikes down the Sultan's camp like the hand of God. Beyond that, he has superhuman energy, able to cut through the Turkish battalions like a hot knife through butter. Very impressive. Is there a role in the next Avengers movie for this Dracula?

However, in the final moments of the third day, his wife has fallen victim and with her dying breath she bids him drink her blood to be able to fight on and defeat the rest of the Turkish army as well as the particular Turks who sent her off the top of a tower to her doom below. Done deal: he is now a vampire forever--long after defeating the Turks. The final moments of the film take us to a modern city and he strides into the camera shot tall, dark, and handsome as ever! (Look around you; this is how you recognize who is a vampire today.)

Given that the story opened in the 1400s, Vlad has aged well during the subsequent 600 years. He does not have the hideous appearance of the cave dwelling vampire--which tells me this modern Vlad has been able to satisfy his blood lust at regular intervals. So...all the vampire tropes are there in the film, all the characteristics, the lore, the criteria, and so on, but on a basic level it is still a story of dark magic, not biological reality.

Conversely, in A DRY PATCH OF SKIN, a thoroughly modern story of vampire transformation, the medical technician hero, Stefan, has annoying symptoms which evolve into something hideous, driving him to seek treatment. As his desperation increases, he accepts ever riskier procedures. He eventually talks with God, making deals, but there is no magic involved. Again, all the tropes of vampire legend are explored and explained using medical, biological, psychological, and sociological causes. Having real, scientific explanations, however, does not help our poor hero very much.

They make a nice pair, this film and this novel. The old and the new. Something borrowed and something blue. I wish life were so easy, so beautiful.... 

If you wish to know what is really like to transform into something hideous, read A DRY PATCH OF SKIN --and keep the lotion handy.



*Bram Stoker sets his Dracula novel in Transylvania, the region northwest of the Carpathian mountains, but the historical Vlad was Prince of Wallachia, the land to the south and east of the Carpathian mountains from Transylvania. 


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(C) Copyright 2010-2014 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.

A Dry Patch of Skin Launches!

It seems Vampires are still the rage! People cannot get enough of them. 

Except me. I've had enough of them--so I wrote this novel to put the thing to bed, as it were, even though it may very well rise again. You know how that meme works.

This week A DRY PATCH OF SKIN launches (Kindle edition, anyway; paperback coming soon Paperback now available!)--just in time for Halloween/Samhain and seemingly in time to ride the coat tails of the Dracula Untold film. While I have not yet seen the film, I was hooked by the trailer and will likely go see it soon, despite the mixed reviews of critics and friends it is getting. 

There are no such mixed reviews of my contemporary vampire novel, fortunately. Not yet, at least. Perhaps never. Perhaps that is because some fear the possible consequences of going against Stefan Székely, the hero or anti-hero of the story. However, he really is quite harmless. Or is he? 

(Or is he? [One never knows what powers one has until forced to use them, eh?])


Accompanying this grand smashing of champagne bottle against book spine, I have been interviewed and an Advanced Review Copy review has been posted. Many thanks to fellow Myrddin author Connie J. Jasperson.

Life in the Realm of Fantasy (Stephen Swartz interview)

Best in Fantasy (Review of A Dry Patch of Skin)


The previous post of this blog has additional information and amusement.


The two questions I seem to be asked most are:

1. What genre is this novel?

2. What does the title mean?

Answers may be partly found in the interview. For those click-phobic few, I offer the short version:

1. I call it a vampire novel, but that is because that category gets across the essential elements of the story. There is constant discussion of vampires, vampirism, history and legend, medical and biological considerations, and theological concerns throughout the book. It could qualify as a medical thriller. Also as a Christian allegory tale. There is also a love story at the center: What would you do to be able to stay with the one you loved? What risky medical procedures would you willingly endure? 

Most of all, I tried very hard to keep it brutally contemporary: 2013-14 for the time setting and Oklahoma City (my present abode) as the place. The story also involves travel to other places, such as New Orleans and Hungary. Die-hard fans of Twilight and other recent vampire TV shows, films, and books may not adjust well to the spoofing of those media that the characters in my book do. Or, they may just as well enjoy the satirical pokes. 

So, in the final analysis, it is what I always tend to write: a genre mash-up. This outing, it's about a man turning into a vampire but he doesn't want to.


2. The title came very early in the writing and I felt it was quirky enough to be a good title. Other options included "A Big Boil on the Skin" and "A Troubling Rash" but I dropped those fairly quick. Briefly considered "But I don't wanna be a Vampire!" So A DRY PATCH of SKIN was the medical winner. 

The phrase "a dry patch of skin" shows up in multiple places in the book, almost always in an ironic sense. Here are a few of them:

      What will be the first sign? Will it simply be a dry patch of skin? An odd blemish? A discoloration?

“I do care about you,” she whispered.

“Thanks,” I said, trying to sound positive. “We can’t let a dry patch of skin get between us, now can we?”

“So...what brings you here this morning?” asked the perky physician’s assistant, blond and leggy.

“A dry patch of skin,” I said glumly.

We stared at the two of us in the big mirror. It was the measure of our existence: here are two humans, one male and one female, of average attributes, two examples that have copulated previously and might copulate again if not for a dry patch of skin or two. Or thirteen.

So you see that it serves as a kind of motif or meme that appears here and there in the text to signal to the reader what kind of significance a small, simple thing that represents all the ugliness and pathos of the world boiled down to an affliction cursing one particular individual can have. But I digress....

Here is the full cover for the paperback edition, coming soon: AVAILABLE NOW!

The blurb:

The truth about being a vampire: It is not cool, not sexy. It’s a painful, miserable existence.

Good reason to avoid that situation, thinks medical technician Stefan Székely. He's too busy falling in love with TV reporter Penny Park, anyway. Until one day when she notices a dry patch of skin on his face.

At first it's just annoying, nothing to worry about, some weird skin disease he can treat with lotions. However, as his affliction worsens, Stefan fears that his unsightly problem will ruin his relationship with Penny. 

If only that was all Stefan has to worry about! He soon realizes there is a lot more at stake than his handsome face. To save himself, Stefan must go in search of a cure for the disease which is literally destroying him inch by inch. If only his parents had told him of the family legacy.

At this point, I must clarify that any and all skin products readers may find they need while reading this book are entirely at their own cost. However, Stefan Székely recommends the products available at Bath & Body Works. Also, no animals were killed in the making of this novel.

Apologies to those who skin begins to tingle or feel itchy. Check with your doctor.


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(C) Copyright 2010-2014 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.

How to be a Vampire and not even know it!

October! The month of chilling, the time of dying, the final days of the year, and the assemblage of monsters of various designs!

One of the most famous of such monsters is the Vampire. From legends far and wide, comes the idea of someone who has died returning to life or of not truly dying but settling into a degree of existence between life and death, what many have termed the undead. It is a frightful situation, both for the poor sucker [pardon the pun] who must "live" such a "life" as well as for those who may encounter him or her. (Read more here.)

Last year I awoke from a nightmare--actually, fell off the darn night mare, hit my head on a stone--and had the idea of writing a vampire tale. Much in the vein of my paranormal-writing colleagues, I sought a story of Gothic pathos, a horror tale of bloody delight! Alas! I could not in good conscience create something along the lines of more recent Vampire fictions. They were too much magic, melodrama, and frou-frou accoutrements than suited my sophisticated tastes.

I knew there were some medical and biological causes of symptoms which are typical of those claiming vampirism. I did my research, both into legends and customs of Eastern Europe, and into the science behind such disorders as porphyria. Is there such a thing as vampirism as a medical condition? And if so, how does one combat it? Is it genetic or does one catch it from someone who is already a vampire? (One valuable resource was the scholarly book by Paul Barber.)

So I deliberately sought to create a tale as contemporary and realistic as modern science and my twisted imagination would allow. 

The result is the amazing true-to-life story of Stefan, doomed to become a vampire--and at precisely the wrong time in his life. Just when Stefan is falling in love with his Beloved and they are planning to marry, he notices the first sign: A DRY PATCH of SKIN.

“I do care about you,” she whispered.

“Thanks,” I said, trying to sound positive. “We can’t let a dry patch of skin get between us, now can we?”

But I digress...

Check yourself. Check your family members. Look over the people standing close to you. Examine all with whom you come into contact. Look for the tell-tale signs of oncoming vampirism. To aid in your quest for avoidance, here is a handy checklist:

• dry skin, in blotchy patterns and red-brown shades regardless of natural complexion
• gaunt features, as though the skin were pulled back tightly against the bones
• withering away of musculature, rendering the person unusually thin
• loss of hair, head and body
• protrusion of teeth as gums shrink
• protrusion of eyes as sockets decline; loss of lashes and brows
• semi-hunched posture due to less of muscle and bone integrity
• heightened senses, especially of olfactory ability (smell)
• metallic taste in mouth and bitter breath
• decreased urine and fecal output
• decreased hunger and thirst sensation
• exposed skin sensitive to light, especially sunlight; prone to either drying and shredding or to melting
• hands and feet painful due to swelling; nails may appear to protrude due to reduction of skin borders
• bearing the scent of decay, mildew, etc. or alternatively a hint of sulfur
• constant physical readiness for sexual activity
• capable of periods of sustained activity (3 to 4 days without sleep) followed by prolonged sleep (2-3 days)
• consumption of heme (blood) improves symptoms temporarily
• contagious via exchange of bodily fluids
• no cure, only treatment which offers brief relief at best
• long-term prognosis: a lengthy, miserable existence filled with alternating nights of desperation and days of coma-like sloth
• usually a normal life-span (90-120 years), barring attempts at suicide
• onset usually early 30s through late 50s; fully symptomatic 2-5 years after onset

Be aware of those around you who may appear normal yet may have begun the transformation. Take particular note of any strange discolored and/or dry patches of skin upon the face. Avoid those who wish to sample your blood. Call for help should you be unable to extricate yourself from the magnetic aura of a true vampirism sufferer. 

Also, I recommend the various lotions and other skin treatment products at Bath & Bodyworks. Stefan swears by them, too.

For further information, I recommend reading the following: A DRY PATCH of SKIN.

The truth about being a vampire: It is not cool, not sexy. It’s a painful, miserable existence.

Good reason to avoid that situation, thinks Stefan Székely. He's too busy falling in love with TV reporter Penny Park, anyway. Until one day when she notices he has a dry patch of skin on his face.

At first it's annoying, nothing to worry about, some weird skin disease he can treat with lotions. However, as his affliction worsens, Stefan fears that his unsightly problem will ruin his relationship with Penny.

If only that was all Stefan has to worry about! 

He soon realizes there is a lot more at stake than his handsome face. To save himself, Stefan must go in search of a cure for the disease which is literally destroying him inch by inch. 

If only his parents had told him of his family's legacy.


Available now for Kindle! Paperback coming soon.



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(C) Copyright 2010-2014 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.