06 June 2011

Weiner-gate and the Little Blue Pill

It has been suggested by fellow bloggers and bloggettes that if I were to take advantage of the latest news I might gain a significant bump in blog traffic. The latest news, however, seems to be about a congressperson who has been naughty. To whit: This Representative Weiner fellow has the appropriate name for linking Twitter feeds with sordid self-portraitures of convex shadowy angles purportedly demonstrating the surface features of a "bulge". That is putting it delicately.

So, the strategy goes, I should write a post about this news story so that Google hits will reflect my interest in this so-called Weiner-gate. However, given that my blog is chiefly about my fiction writing, in particular my science-fiction trilogy called The Dream Land, it seems a stretch to write about any man's digital evolution. It is not a subject worthy of my keyboard, and yet . . . strategists compel me to write something, anything about the story in order to draw clicks to my own blog site (here!) so that someone, anyone might become acquainted with all of my witty remarks.

I do not actually need to write about a man's adventure in digital archiving to draw in readers. The mere mention of the congressperson's name--which, as I explained above, is so deliciously perfect (check that: I probably should not use those words as part of this story)--is enough to draw hits and clicks to this page. Ah, the wonders of technology! Ah, the foibles of humanity! Ah, the impetuous imperatives of the easily impressed masses. Who wouldn't like to read a report on a man sending pictures of a bulging fabric? Why, the whole universe is a bulging fabric--

Which segues so effortlessly into me blogging about The Dream Land trilogy! You see, in this sci-fi adventure, two high school sweethearts discover a tear in the fabric of the universe, and through such a tear they go exploring (not in the Weiner-gate sense, of course). It is another world they discover and the adventures they have there are both full of beauty and magic as well as horrible violence that tests their will to survive and even their sanity. It seems a natural phenomena for these human explorers to question their sanity--much as Mr. Weiner must have questioned his reasons for sending such pictures to someone who likely never wanted to see them.

So which is the real world? And which is only a poor reflection of the world we all know and love? To find the answer, look not among the stories of your local news, both on TV as well as the Internet; nay, look deeply among the pages of the three volumes of The Dream Land trilogy--where there never have been, nor will never be, pictures of bulges!

(However, it should be pointed out that The Dream Land trilogy is not suitable for readers under, say, 15 or 16, as there is considerable love making and warfare scattered across the many pages. But for the adult who is tired of Weiner-gate and other assorted Twitter feeds of embarrassing text and pictures, the book covers await their cracking, the pages your eyes, and all shall be in balance until the words "The End" bulge from the page.

Thanks for indulging my sensitive sensibilities!

PS--I forgot to mention the little blue pill. It is not a metaphor. It is a medicinal property, an element of great consternation that enables an Earth man to approximate the prowess of an adult Ghoupalle male, almost necessary to please a typical Ghoupalle woman--Ghoupallesz being the local name of the planet in The Dream Land trilogy. Again, you must read The Dream Land trilogy to know about and appreciate what the sex life of aliens feels like. Forget Weiner-gate; it's a small matter, indeed.  Instead, enjoy the reality of your unadulterated protuberances, and grin in satisfaction, confidence, and release!

1 comment:

  1. Well, it was a noble experiment! Apparently my attempt to draw Weiner traffic to my blog by mentioning the key "weiner words" in my post did not work. Now we know. Nobody likes a weiner post.