23 October 2016

Vote for Me!

Last week, I had planned a blog inviting everyone to write in my name for the presidential election, considering how many people disliked the choices available. However, the day before I was going to post such a blog, I learned that in my own state (Oklahoma) write-in votes are not allowed. Doing so will invalidate your ballot. So, naturally, I fell into a depression, unable to begin packing for a move to the capital. I felt thwarted at every turn--or at least the first turn.

So now I begin my campaign for the next election! I shall be the Bunny Party's candidate for something sometime somewhere! Our slogan is "Treats and Naps for Everyone!"

I'm not sure what my platform will be but it will definitely be made of wood--good ol' American timber, in fact. I can elucidate on a few qualifications I have.

First of all, I was born in the U.S. of A. and both of my parents were, too. I'm also, sadly, over the age of 35.

I've always paid taxes--going back to my first job at Taco Bell. I've never deleted any emails, either, not since the internet began. I've always spoken well of other people (or, if necessary, said nothing at all to be polite) and seldom even go into locker rooms. 

Babies are not scared of me. I like animals but am not so good at caring for them. Animals seem to like me, especially bunnies. I have friends in other countries. I have visited many countries and lived overseas, thus enhancing my empathy and understanding of cultures different from the one I grew up in. 

As for economic matters, I like for everyone to have money. As much as they want. But only spend it on stuff you really need, with the occasional frivolous item to help maintain a happy disposition. 

Socially, I like to believe in the naive notion that everyone will get along by being generally kind to each other and not forcing their beliefs onto others. There is pleasure in having access to a diversity of everything, but like my primary belief, I like for things to just happen on their own without laws being made to force things to happen.

Practicing for a Presidential Portrait
For example, as a student of literature, I learned how to analyze a story or novel or poem from several different views (call them lenses), and that would seem to train me to be diplomatic. Arguing about what a poem actually means, even if my interpretation should differ from the meaning stated by the poet, is very good preparation for government work.

Speaking of government work, I did spend a few years as a lowly seasonal clerk at an IRS service center--and I kept their secrets, like how much certain well-known people were paying. I was in the National Guard, too, for a few years in my youth, so there's my military service. I also kept their secrets. 

As a writer of fiction, especially science fiction, I understand and would promote the sciences. I would like to see certain sci-fi films come to be true. Besides, we need a Mars colony for the riffraff of Washington, D.C., don't we? Also, through reading and writing science fiction, I have leaned to envision goals and plan how to achieve them--like any good writer does, of course. The difference is that for science fiction, a writer must imagine what does not yet exist and operate in a sphere of abstractions. Again, good training for politics.

My only serious shortcoming is I tend to get nervous speaking to large crowds, but I can write a decent speech and read it off a teleprompter. I had a television production class in college. I like to sleep late, too, but I will wake up for the 3 a.m. phone call and not just hang up cursing. If it's not an emergency, I'll call or text you back later.

Mostly I just want everyone to get along, treat each other kindly, work together for a common good, and remember that words, although they may hurt, are just words. Actions are, unfortunately, still actions. I would wish everything to run smoothly so I would not be bothered by problems. However, I would stand ready to hire top people to deal with those problems!

Ultimately, any wholesale change of administration is of greater concern and impact to an entire society than are the personal vagaries of any individual who seeks that position. For most of us, I suspect not much is likely to change in our daily lives, no matter who takes the reins of this horse. So it's still up to each of us, the smallfolk, to get along and make our own communities the way we want them to be, and leave the kings and kingslayers to play their chess games as far away from Main Street as possible. Thank you very much.

Don't forget to give your bunny a treat!

(C) Copyright 2010-2016 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.


  1. Some days I just want to hug you, Professor, virtually of course.

    1. Well, I was ready to put forward Corlan Tang for president but he is a fictional character so...not eligible.

  2. I was thinking of voting for Zaphod Beeblebrox for President, however he, too is a fictional character. Good luck, Stephen! May the bunnies be with you!

  3. I'd vote for you, but I'm concerned your position on the important issues will jump about as bunnies are inclined to do.

    1. Hence, the fundamental position of "treats and naps for everyone."