The Beard Problem

As you may know, I am deep in the revision of my latest novel, the concluding volume of my vampire trilogy, ostensibly based on medically accurate and historical accountability. Like many writers do, I go through a manuscript in waves, focusing on different issues in each pass. In a later chapter, I realized I had made a dreadful mistake: I had failed to account for the beard. 

It is the future and the beard and cassock look has returned, at least in the Hungarian Empire of 2101. The chief prosecutor wears a red cassock and red skullcap in his duties in the High Court of Justice - and sports a long gray beard. So far, so good. However, later, when he has a prisoner in his quarters (the illegality of this situation is another story, obviously), nothing happens with his beard. I was shocked. Shocked, I tell you!

A long beard - which I've never had personally - will get in the way of many things. While dining, it gets in the food - unless I write a sentence mentioning how "he swept his beard aside". The beard would be stained with blood if he took a bite as any good vampire likely would. Crumbs would collect. These need to be accounted for. The only two fellows I've known who wore long beards (defined as hanging lower than the chin by an inch or more) have described these problems.

Then comes the seduction following the dinner. It is not meant to be an innocent affair. However, the beard again gets in the way. Hanging from the chin and cheeks, a beard would touch the other person when in close proximity, right? The beard would tickle at best, would scratch at worst. Probably it would be an unpleasant experience for the other person. Especially if the beard were soiled by various food dishes from the dinner. The other person would be quite distraught for that reason alone. 

It seems a lot of the male characters sport beards in this volume. Was his black or gray? Black with streaks of gray? And how long was it? Trimmed or unruly? Does he tend to give it a tug from time to time? Does it get caught in zippers? It really becomes a problem keeping track of all these different beard issues. It adds to the word count just by describing how he takes care of the beard in each scene. Next time I shall definitely make every guy clean-shaven. 

The problem exists also for women's hair styles. Does she wear her hair up in this scene? Is it up for the entire scene, or does it fall at some point, especially during the fight? Not being a hair stylist by any stretch of the imagination, I pay little attention to hair styles.Yes, I see the character in my mind's eye but somehow little of that image gets on the page. Long, straight hair, like my 7th grade girlfriend had, or flowing, wavy hair like a girlfriend in college had. Or the curly hair I've seen in a lot of shampoo commercials - that's the limit of my choices, it seems. I prefer to get on with the story.

Men's hair, too, may change with the physical action. If there is a ceremony, the well-coiffed might be more formally arranged, I imagine. For battle, perhaps a close-cut style to fit under a helmet. For an emperor, his long, flowing mane might add to his aura of masculinity. Long hair with a long beard suggests otherworldliness, a true warrior-king. It all depends on what you want as the author.  

And I'm not even going to get into clothing fashions. One thing that I appreciate with George R. R. Martin's Game of Thrones novels is his attention to details when it comes to what the characters are wearing. It almost becomes too much at times, but I still like that he went to the trouble to do it. That leads me to check once more whether her evening gown is black with red trim or violet with white trim. What is the dress material? Does it crinkle or swish as she walks? And when the dress is torn off, how does the maid know to have replacement clothing nearby? Perhaps, it's time for yet another pass through the manuscript.

And yet, for a vampire novel, it seems that the clean-shaven look is more appropriate. Men struck with the curse of vampirism tend to lose their hair much as a cancer patient on chemotherapy loses hair. For that matter, females would become hairless, too, for the same reason (based on my medical research into porphyria). Therefore, the typical depiction of the famous Count Dracula (played by Bela Lugosi) below would be inaccurate. Hair on the head but no facial hair would seem to be a fashion choice, not the result of any biological abnormality. Check your sources. Check the continuity and consistency of your details is today's lesson. After all, it's a salon out there!

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