What's this comedy thing?

Now that most people are reading THE GRANDSONS, my latest offering in the FLU SEASON  Saga and presumably the concluding volume, I find myself recently finishing a brand new novel based on the same family but set further into the future.

Funny story. As I usually do, I completed the draft of THE GRANDSONS and immediately went through the reading and revising phase until I had made it something I could live with. Then, as I typically do, I set it aside for a month. The idea is to come back and read it through again with fresh eyes. (I also send it to my beta reader during this month.)  I felt good about this latest epic, a tour-de-force if ever there was one (well, by me). It turns out to be my second-longest novel after only my EPIC FANTASY *WITH DRAGONS (in 2017).

Speaking of EF*WD, I'd been trying to make my Grand Timeline meet up with EF*WD and laid some seeds for it in THE GRANDSONS - could be merely Easter eggs that some may find. So I was joking about a story that could bridge THE GRANDSONS (set in 2155-85) and EF*WD (set c. 8000), stretched as it may be, and an idea came to me. It was only a scene, but I decided to type it out, see if it was something. Then I slept on it. I came back and wrote more, had a couple chapters written and most of a plot figured out by the time I returned to THE GRANDSONS for the fresh re-reading.

So, as I worked through THE GRANDSONS again, I started my days by writing on this new novel. This became my routine: composing new text for the new novel, then working on revision/editing on the finished novel. This went on for two months. Once THE GRANDSONS was finished and ready to launch, I had a good portion of what I was thinking then would only be a novella already complete. Even on launch day (which came unexpectedly early) I typed on the new novel. Yes, I knew it would make it to novel length. I've been promoting THE GRANDSONS even while I have the urge to talk about my newest book. It's the writer's constant conundrum.

With THE GRANDSONS out for a month already, I finally got to the end of the new book, what I've titled THE WARRIORS BAUMANN.

Now I can go full-tilt yacking about the "next" volume in the FLU SEASON series, this one set in the year 2330. From the start I felt like writing a comedy. At first, the humor was coming from the main character's reactions to the other main character's predicaments, how ridiculous it all was. Then the comedy grew chapter by chapter until I had to put myself, as author, into the final chapter, as the supreme 'meta-fiction' conceit!

The story involves a pair of rogues: Rory and Stank. Rory is the older yet shorter brother, a clever fellow; Stank (short for Stanley K. Baumann) is the younger yet much bigger brother, a warrior. We find them on the road to the capital because Rory intends to wed the princess. He needs his mighty brother to be his champion and fight a duke to clear a path for Rory. Much occurs along the road, of course, and in towns they visit along the way. The real comedy unfolds when they arrive at the capital city, known to them as Louis, set on a bluff overlooking the Missippi River. Yes, we have traveled through the savage Ozarks, crossed future medieval Missouri, with mentions of events in the past that explain how we got here.

Stank needs long hair.

While each book I've written has moments of comedy - because people will be funny, say funny things, react in quite humorous ways - this is the first novel in which I took off the reins and let my wildest imagination explode. I broke all the rules of 'good writing' to create comedic moments. 

Characters may speak using alliteration (repetition of consonant sounds, e.g. 'laughingly loose lips') especially in the capital. There is much clever wordplay and puns. Insults flung! The ridiculous situations continue as well as characters' reactions to the ridiculousness. 

For example, Rory thinks the princess will be happy to wed him because their eyes happened to meet for a moment at a public gathering, she on the balcony and he among the crowd below, a full year earlier. Stank is a loyal brother despite doubting his brother's tale. They often clash, chastise each other, joke around - more comedy! 

Could be Rory?

And, in the final dramatic turn, ridiculous situations get resolved (or not) in even more ridiculous ways. I even allow myself to become a character in one crucial scene - the very definition of 'meta-fiction' (i.e., where a creative work or its creator references itself in the work). However, in this case, in this odd tale, it works. You'll see. Believe me. 

And the origin of the dragons in EF*WD is revealed to those who have been waiting since 2017 for the information. As a "regressionist" (one who sees the future as a regression of society to an older, less technologically-driven civilization, as opposed to "progressive" or "tech-bro utopia"), I've been pushing us further down the civilization ladder across six books until we literally 'return to the future' of medieval life, this time set in Missouri.

THE WARRIORS BAUMANN is complete and will now undergo the usual revision stage, then editing, then polishing, then setting it aside (will I start yet another book?), then a fresh read-through with more revision and editing, and then publication. Could be ready by December 2025. Then you'll be able to see what's so funny!

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(C) Copyright 2010-2025 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.

How to Write an Epic Fantasy with Dragons

This season I shall be offering my newest novel, an epic fantasy. However, the story of how I came to write this book and how it changed chapter by chapter is a story in itself. Let me explain.

Once upon a time, my fellow writers said to me: 
"Why don't you write an epic fantasy? You've never written one of those." 
So I replied, "Sure, I could write one of those fat books, no problem." 
"Wait! There's more," they said: "You have to have dragons in it, too." 
"Dragons? No problem," I responded, adding a typed LOL.

[You can read in detail here how my writer friends goaded me into writing an epic fantasy. You can read here (part 1) and here (part 2) about dragons and the choices I made about portraying them in my epic fantasy novel.]

At first I was thinking it would be more of a spoof. I would use the tropes and memes and cliches and stock characters of epic fantasy but I would put my own warped sense of humor upon the proceedings. I started with a scene of a dragonslayer, my protagonist--let's call him Corlan. It seemed a good idea to construct a story about dragons around a dragonslayer, after all. I cast a hunky hunk in the role, then sent him back to the city where he had the worst weekend ever. I've never liked hunky hunks so it was fun making him suffer. So he is banished by the snooty prince and we have our quest, which will take up the bulk of the book.

As seems to happen on epic fantasy quests, there are episodes, miniature story arcs, new characters introduced and old characters dispatched. I also had to have a dragon attack about every other chapter. So I crafted a map of the journey area and plotted where this and that would happen, all the way to the geographical end of the journey. I had a rough idea what would happen at the end of the journey but I did not worry about it since I was still at the beginning. 

Meanwhile, I had an old screenplay for a novel I had long intended to write just sitting on my computer waiting for me to turn it into a novel. I had tried a few times but the "epic" story seemed too big to be written until I had endless hours during my retirement. The dragonslayer's story seemed a good way to incorporate this other medieval-esque story of five princes and the trouble they cause in the realm. So I decided to make the five princes another story line. I would interweave them.

Then I had another idea. A little princess, Adora, absolutely cute yet with unspeakable powers, would make a good counterbalance to the daring-do of my hunky hunk dragonslayer. I knew then that they would have to meet at the end. I was not sure what would happen when they met, of course. I was still in the planning stage. I also thought of two other story lines which would interweave with the others. I did not care about length because I was working on something "epic"!

I started writing the story line of the hunky dragonslayer. Good enough. I wrote the opening scene of the scribe's story line, preparing to tell the tale of the five princes. Good enough. I started the little princess's story line. I dabbled a few paragraphs of the other two story lines just to get them started. I had about 3000 words total written when I decided to cobble together a temporary book cover, mostly for fun but maybe also to help me focus. Being an "epic" I knew it would take forever and so I was in no hurry.

On the back cover I wrote the following blurb. At that point in time I did not know how any of the story lines would go or how they would end. I did what I've heard Dostoevsky liked to do: invent interesting characters then see how they react to each other.

Corlan the dragonslayer is in trouble. Again.

He has not met the Prince’s quota. He has defiled 

a Lady of the Court, too. His grandfather offers 

him a secret treasure that just might save him. 

Of course it requires a long and dangerous journey.

The Scriber Iz-Mal is determined to set straight 

the history of the realm even at threat of death. 

A thousand years after the War of the Five Princes

the truth of what happened to turn their kingdoms 

into a vast wasteland remains untold.

Princess Adora dares go against the Queen’s 

harsh command to hand over the newborn baby boy. 

He is destined to serve as just another soldier 

in the matriarchy’s army, but Adora 

spirits him away to safety in the wilderness.

Then I decided to write out the dragonslayer's story first, since that was where my mind was at that time. I left the other story lines. My hunky hunk dragonslayer had his day in court, the palace court, that is, and was banished to the Valley of Death. So far, so good (as a writer, I mean). Now to add some complications.... 

To skip ahead a bit... 

I wrote on EPIC FANTASY *WITH DRAGONS from November through June, all on the dragonslayer's story line. I wrote at night. I wrote on weekends. I wrote between the classes I teach, sometimes only a few paragraphs during a half-hour's gap. I liked what was happening to my dragonslayer. I liked him, too. Thankfully, he resisted becoming me; he always acted true to his character. I gradually knew what would happen to him, how the whole book would end. 

By the end of June I knew how long this single story line was going to be--long enough to be a novel in its own right. But I had to keep the little princess story line in because it would dovetail with the dragonslayer's story. So I dropped those other two story lines and found ways to tell the story of the five princes from the scribe's story line within the dragonslayer's story line. After all, when people camp out on a long journey they have to talk about something between dinner and sleep, true? 

In July I went back to Beijing, China to teach a 4-week university course. In my time off, I continued writing. I finished the dragonslayer's story line. Then returned to the little princess's story line and wrote it straight out in 10 chapters (I had one written previously). Then came the difficulty of merging chapters devoted to different story lines. I played with a regular pattern and by pure happenstance I found the arrangement that worked best: every four dragonslayer chapters I would insert a princess chapter (called "interlude" instead of chapter). That arrangement worked so well dramatically--cliffhangers, cross-references, etc.--that I knew it was meant to be. The two story lines come together at the end and as I wrote it tears dribbled down my cheeks. Not kidding! It was perfect. I was blessed to take dictation from my muses. 

Returning back to the USA I had the whole rough draft completed and could begin revisions, first on story elements, then on the smaller technical issues. I faced a 240,000 word manuscript. But it's supposed to be epic! Never fear, I told myself. I can whittle it down during revision. Even so, a novella of 38,000 words with a 198,000 novel wrapped around it is something special. Let us remember that J.R.R. Tolkien's epic fantasy novels still far exceed mine. The Hobbit is 95,000 words; The Fellowship of the Ring is 187,000; The Two Towers is 156,000; and The Return of the King is 137,000. When I was jousting with my fellow writers about writing in the genre many of them write in, I boasted of aiming for 250,000 words, but I did not seriously have that goal in mind. I thought 120,000 would be enough. But the story rolled and my hero and heroine would not stop having adventures. So here it is: 238,000 in its so-called final form.

Once upon a time, I firmly believed that if you have something that is good why wouldn't you want more of it? If a book is good you want to keep reading. So I can only hope that readers will find the pages worth turning. And, as reality often requires, if the pages do not engage, readers are free to set down the book and do something else. I will not take umbrage at the slings and arrows of a fickle readership. Seriously, I think you will enjoy this journey into [S P O I L E R S] and be sorry to see it end.

Now that EPIC FANTASY *WITH DRAGONS is finished, I rewrote the blurb to go on the back cover of the book:

When Corlan the dragonslayer is banished by the Prince, it is not the worst fate. Corlan has a plan to rid the realm of dragons once and for all. To complete his mission, he must journey to the far end of the Valley of Death. Only then will he be allowed to return.

Along the way, Corlan teaches a wayward boy how to be a man while questioning everything he thought he knew about his own life. They encounter a surly magus in his fourth life, harpies and hippos, rogues and river wyrms, a clever hunchback and a feisty ambassador, an evil queen, witches and warriors, and strange cities with bizarre customs. And there are always dragons to fight! No matter the cost, no matter what he learns about himself, Corlan must continue to his destiny.

Meanwhile, Princess Adora flees her home with her baby brother to save him from certain death. Chased into the mountains of Yozma, Adora and her companions find the secret to dragons—a secret Corlan only wishes he knew, one that will change everything.

That phrase "will change everything" seems to be required in epic fantasy book blurbs. In this case, it's completely true.

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(C) Copyright 2010-2016 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.

Do you remember the war that never happened?

For the past few weeks I've been foisting excerpts from THE DREAM LAND Book III "Diaspora" onto my dear, overly patient readers and followers.

During those weeks I was working hard on that novel, driven by the fire that only a really hot muse can light. Finally got to tell some of Gina Parton's story: how many ways the world can go crazy as a comet approaches. I charged through the climactic scenes and cruised into the epilogue on Monday, essentially completing the main plot line of the novel.

Now I will go back and add the subplot scenes to fill it out; most of those will be continuing and wrapping up the stories from THE DREAM LAND Book II "Dreams of Future's Past"--which ironically is the topic of this week's bloggerette.

Here's a summary of Book II for those of you who like the short versions. In THE DREAM LAND Book I "Long Distance Voyager" the final Act is a "mission" and Book II is no different. However, I must leave off the spoilers from this summary. Sorry.

It will be out for Kindle in June 2013.

THE DREAM LAND

Book II : “Dreams of Future’s Past”

Synopsis

[The following complete synopsis originally had portions blacked out because the text contained "spoilers"; the black boxes have been removed now that the ebook is available.]

After his adventures in Book I, Sebastian Talbot (a.k.a. Set-d’Elous, legendary warrior and Sekuatean cavalry regiment captain) has exiled himself to a desolate island, content to laze away the days and write his memoir. Until the emissary from Queen Tammy of Aivana arrives with a mission he cannot refuse. Tammy, former IRS clerk who he took to Ghoupallesz along with Michael in Book I, wants him to go fetch her son, Chuck junior, who she left on Earth when she did not return but married the King of Aivana. That king eventually died and she married Sebastian’s friend, the mechanical wizard Jason.

Sebastian reluctantly returns to Earth and coaxes Chucker (“Chuck R. Tucker”) back to Aivana where mother and son are reunited. Mission accomplished. However, on the way back to his island he stops in his favorite city, Selauê, and reminisces with a man who was his military colleague during the wars. He realizes that he would change all of that period in history if he could. He also regrets missing ten years with his Ghoupalle wife, Zaura, when he returned to Earth for a brief visit that turned out to be longer on Ghoupallesz. Zaura thought him dead and remarried; their brief reunion was tragic even though they were able to reunite still later, thanks to his fellow Interdimensional Voyager, Gina Parton, a.k.a. Jinetta, Queen of Fenula.

Meanwhile, Sebastian awakens from a coma in a hospital for the criminally insane and becomes the patient of Dr. Toni Franck, psychiatrist. Evidently, he did not escape to Ghoupallesz at the end of Book I but was shot by police. Now he is recovering; Dr. Franck comes to believe his story of traveling to another world might be true rather than his fantasy. The detective Chuck McElroy (ex-husband of Tammy, father of Chucker) is investigating him, however, and befriends Dr. Franck to get information; they date but he is not a gentleman and she tries to break it off with him. Chuck pushes her against the desk and she gets a concussion, falls into a coma; he releases Sebastian and urges him to escape just so he can pursue him and kill the killer of his ex-wife Tammy (who is alive and well on Ghoupallesz).  Sebastian arrives at the quarry where the interdimensional doorway exists and Chuck follows him through the doorway.

Chuck finds himself in the Aivana desert and when Sebastian tells him to retrace his steps and return to Earth, Chuck takes it as a challenge. Sebastian walks off to begin a new life while Chuck eventually is captured by desert nomads and taken away to be sold into slavery. Sebastian realizes his good fortune: he has returned to the ten years he missed living with Zaura and pretends to be someone new; they marry and he rejoins the regiment. Life is good, even though he will need to leave before his previous self can return to resume life with her.

Sebastian as Set-d’Elous is sent with his regiment to the northern district for autumn harvest patrol. There he meets a youthful Basura-Kanoun who he knows will grow up to become leader of a rebel group that eventually sparks revolution and becomes the new government of Sekuate. He weighs the morality of killing one to save millions. He chooses; along with that choice he must also vanish from his life with Zaura they have had for eight years. He knows that what he has done is for the greater good. His friend Jason does not agree. They argue and Set-d’Elous runs off to his island once more to hide from the world.

Meanwhile, Chuck suffers at the hands of his captors—until they understand that he “belongs” to Queen Tammy. They change plans, wanting to get a reward for returning her slave. Then a storm kills all but the youngest nomad, who mends his wounds. They become a team, making their way to civilization, playing the role of slave and slave master when needed. When they encounter a couple of bandits, Chuck comes alive and kills them to save his new buddy, the young nomad who saved him earlier. Reaching civilization but afraid to be seen by Tammy, Chuck and the nomad set up a domestic partnership.

At the same time, Tammy’s son Chucker learns the ways of Ghoupallesz from his new step-father Jason. They take a Youth Trek, a custom for young men. Jason teaches Chucker yet their journey turns to finding what happened to Michael Fenning, who had been involved with Tammy before. Last they heard Michael had abandoned his treatment for overdosing on the elixir of love moussalaganê and took off with his nurses, then went on alone whoring and gambling and being a playboy across the countries of Gotanka, the northern region of the continent of Zissekap. Finally, they track Michael to a clinic for the terminally ill and Chucker confronts Michael about what he did to Tammy.

Chucker, maturing beyond his years while on Ghoupallesz, goes to Sebastian’s/Set’s island to get answers to his questions. Set explains everything; then he leads Chucker back to Aivana without ever crossing the sea, just by using the interdimensional doorways. In Aivana, Chucker resumes his training to be a prince but Set discovers evidence that what he did in killing Basura-Kanoun has had odd effects on history. The war never happened but his own family suffered different, perhaps worse fate. He and Chucker realize they must change what was changed before to correct the mistake in history. Of course, Set cannot go do it himself—he can’t stop himself—so someone else must take on the mission. They form a mercenary group called History, Inc. and plan what to do.

Sebastian/Set begins having hallucinations of wartime, only they do not exactly fit what he remembers. His team of mercenaries goes through the right interdimensional doorways to arrive at the correct time period to meet his previous self and stop him from killing Basura-Kanoun. The mission goes wrong and a Plan B is initiated to correct the mistaken mission to undo the first change!

Meanwhile, Dr. Franck awakens from her coma and starts a new life with a son who was born while she was unconscious. She maintains the father is her former patient Sebastian/Set. While Set is on Earth to direct the latest mission of History, Inc., he discovers her story and contacts her. They make plans to meet but the police are monitoring the calls and plan to intercept him. He escaped from the criminal hospital, after all, and he is still blamed for the deaths of his IRS co-workers as well as the attack on Dr. Franck which she denies was him.

As the History team makes its move, Sebastian/Set attends the Royal Audience in Aivana but leaves just as Chuck arrives to reclaim Tammy and terrorists follow him in with bombs. The explosions blast Tammy and Chuck back to Earth and Chucker also to somewhere else. For Sebastian/Set, it seems to match the explosion of the propane tank at the old, abandoned house he was going to meet Dr. Franck at. It was surrounded by a SWAT team; Dr. Franck did not meet him and whether or not he escaped is uncertain.

Sebastian/Set awakens in bed with a woman in an elegant hotel room; he thinks he’s in Paris on vacation with Dr. Toni Franck, reunited at last. But it turns out he is someone of importance: a personal assistant comes to dress him and lead him through his busy schedule. The woman in the bed is Basura-Kanoun, not Toni Franck. Not wanting to alarm any of his handlers, he plays along, trying to figure out how he ended up in this strange new scenario.  Gathering enough information, it finally dawns on him that he is the emperor—the Emperor of Sekuate! Not only did he not prevent the wars, he became the emperor who initiated them. He tries to find a way to escape before he must give a caustic speech to the assembled representative at an international conference. Biding his time in a waiting room, his entourage is attacked by a team of assassins: Sebastian/Set is shot and falls through a window, down to the plaza below—except he does not hit the plaza stones. He falls through time, back to that moment when he remeets the young Basura-Kanoun and instead of killing her agrees to marry her...thus setting in motion the timeline that we have just read.


So...what if there was a war and then somebody changed something and there wasn't a war? Would those who lived through it still have memories? Would those people be called crazy?

You can get started on Book I "Long Distance Voyager" 

here: THE DREAM LAND

THE DREAM LAND Book III "Diaspora" 

will be available perhaps as soon as December 2013.

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(C) Copyright 2010-2013 by Stephen M. Swartz. All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog, whether text or image, may be used without me giving you written permission, except for brief excerpts that are accompanied by a link to this entire blog. Violators shall be written into novels as characters who are killed off. Serious violators shall be identified and dealt with according to the laws of the United States of America.